多謝.

 好多朋友好擔心我, 打俾我問候. 好多謝你地. 係我最傷心既時候關心我.

我知我而家既行為令好多人都好擔心, 但係,我而家咁做其實唔係自願既. 我已經再分唔清咩時候肚餓, 咩時候眼訓. 我由上星期四開始到而家, 加埋可能都只係訓左14個鐘, 但竟然一d都唔眼訓. 食野就當然冇啦…對上一次食係去一個朋友屋企. 佢地好擔心我, 所以有少少強迫性咁令我食左兩啖飯.

可能, 食飯同訓覺係要有心情先得到既. 就好似如果你冇心情傾計係會唔出聲, 冇心情去玩你會留係屋企咁…我都冇估到, 感情上既創傷會對我做成咁大影響. 我曾經嘗試迫自己食野, 唔好令朋友擔心, 但係, 只係食左一塊暑片, 我已經辛苦到想嘔. 好似, 飲咖啡同whisky 就可以過日子咁. 咁多位掛心我既朋友, 真係好對唔住, 令你地擔心同埋失望.

我相信, 終有一日, 我會可以走出呢個深谷, 我亦試過好多辦法去令自己好過d…但係, 今次呢件事係我一手做成. 如果我花多d時間, 俾多d關懷同愛護俾我既女友, 佢就唔需要過之前3個月黎痛苦既日子. 我成日以為, 做哂野之後先氹返女朋友冇問題, 但原來係錯架. 女朋友係需要人長時間既關心. 佢曾經係一個好開心, 好天真既人, 睇到佢一次又一次為我而喊, 為我難過, 到今日我先真正感受到. 後悔已經太遲. 無論將來發生咩事, 都唔能夠再彌補佢呢幾個月所受既痛苦. 好多人叫我move on, 搵過個新女朋友, 但我個心已經唔可以再容納第2個. 如果神要我係岩岩學識珍惜既時候, 要我一生既最愛離開我, 呢樣係天整定既. 既然係咁, 我會認命, 亦唔會搵第個. 好多謝咁多位. 我知你地諗左好多方法黎希望我好過d, 但係, 我諗今次呢個傷痕, 會跟我一世.

請放心, 我唔會做一d自殘, 或者傷害人既行為. 最少, 俾我都過下痛苦既生活, 俾我都感受下我女朋友之前所過既日子, 係肉體受苦既同時, 可能內心會好過一d…

其實從來都唔識畫畫既…原來人係悲傷既時候真係乜都做得出…原先諗住畫一幅畫送俾佢, 又驚再見佢會令佢反感, 唯有放係呢度, 畫得唔好, 請唔好批評. 唔係出於想畫靚而畫,只係想自我安慰一下…

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Posted on June 10, 2009, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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